I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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