drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
