oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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