so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
