He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
