plz talk dirty to me
We got so high we made milksteak
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
