take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
