I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
