Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
