It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
