I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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