I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
