??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
