How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
