Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
