when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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