They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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