Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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