Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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