Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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