he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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