thus making me awesome and them whores
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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