i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
