fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
