Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
