he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
