Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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