Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
