remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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