so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Someone shattered a urinal.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
