that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
