Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
