You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So. Much. Porn.
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