idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
