i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
