i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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