im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I've blown a few things in my day
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
