your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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