pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
