i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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