just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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