It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
