I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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