after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
