Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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