Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you had me at cake vodka
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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