Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dignity is for republicans.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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