well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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