I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
