Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize