i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
