See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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